exhaustion

holy moly I feeel like I have two jobs. I come home from work ad I start my new job: job hunting. I usually spend anywere from 2-5hours on this.
seeing asrecruiting agencies haven’t been very helpful, I’ve stated going to firms’ websites and seeing if they had anything open. of course, the ones which are rated best firms to work for (as in quality of life) usually don’t hve anyhing open.

I will get a new job. Even if I have to spend 2 hrs a day on the phone. this WILL happen.

More Minor Events in My Life

Hoo boy. Today was something else. I will go in chronological order of my day, so alas, since Fishypoo was the first thing I dealt with, you shall have to read about Fishypoo first.

Fishypoo

As I had mentioned, Fishypoo seemed kind of sick. I put some antibiotic stuff in his water and he seemed much perkier today. I was worried when I left on Friday that I would come back to a dead beloved fish. But no! He was all cheery and swimmy today – and he ate 5 (Yes – FIVE) pellets and about four bloodworms. He had not been eating anything much late last week; sometimes he would eat a bloodworm, but that’s it. Anyway I was very happy to see him inhale the pellets and even happier about the bloodworm. I gave him one or two large ones. Last week he was too lazy/lethargic to bring himself to eat them because they took too much work – he couldn’t just put it in his mouth and eat it. And, he had been spitting them out. Well,  today he came up to the top of the tank when he saw me approach with the bloodworms and waited for me to start the feeding. I put them in and he joyfully (YES, joyfully) attacked the bloodworms, even if he couldn’t fit it in his mouth the first time. Anyway, he ate a really big one and after one second he opens his mouth and three tiny bubbles come out. He burped! How cute!? Anyway tomorrow I am replacing the plastic stones with real gravel.

The Interview

So, okay. Interview involved much drama because I bought a new suit. I thought the suit looked great on me but as I looked in the mirror this morning I realized the jacket and the shirt were too big! PAnic! Panic! Panic! I *needed* to look good. This stuff is all about first impressions and here I’d be walking in wearing clothes that fit badly. Anyway so I get off at 57th street on my way in to work and I beg the people at Ann Taylor to please, please, please let me do an exchange even though I can’t find the receipt for the shirt and the tags have been cut off, altough I did bring them with me. Thankfully, they let me do an exchange. Hooray! But then, during the middle of the day, I realized that my skirt was too big too. It twists around, and doesn’t hold my shirt tucked in. I didn’t go back to swap it. It’ll just have to do.

Okay so onto the interview. I had an interview at a private commodities trading firm with their in-house legal people. This means I wouldn’t have to suffer through any more billable hours. I could be a real human – take a day off and not have to work the extra hours. This idea seems extraordinary. I did really, really fabulously on the interview.. until. Well I meet with the most important guy, youknow the one who would be determining how much I am paid, etc, and things go well. He asks me where Romania is, so I tell him; he asks me where Khazakstan is and I give him a fairly good approximation, and apparently I am the only person that has been interviewed thus far who has been able to tell him that. Okay. So he asks if I have any questions, and I say well, everything has been pretty well answered thus far. So he says “Well, I’d imagine you’d want to ask about salary. I assure you that we take care of our people here, and we take notice of good work and reward accordingly. We don’t want anybody here to struggle with rent or clothes or cell phone bills or anything” so.. me being me.. I had to tell him about the Sprint Sero plan. Anyway to make a long story short, I think he thought that I was stealing Sprint employees’ email addresses in order to get a cheap phone bill, because immediately after that he rushes me out the door. Seriously rushes me out the door.

Maybe he had to pee? Maybe he realized that it was 6:40 and they only thought I’d be there til 6?

The only thing I keep saying to myself is that during the interview, it sounded as if it would be massively administrative and I would be very bored.

But they didn’t have an objection to paying me 50k when I talked to them on the phone…

*SIGH*

The Roommate

SO okay, I think that this is perhaps a major event in my life because I’m proud of what I did. Sort of. Okay, well the electric bill has come in for January and she wants to split it down the middle. I would have no problem with that except 1) She has not produced an electric bill (OH I do paperless billing so I don’t get a bill… me: Request one.) 2) January is when the movie people were filming and they had a lot of lights. I don’t care wht she says. It uses a lot of electricity.

So she hems and haws and doesn’t produce a bill, which annoys me greatly. So I finally give her $25 (the part she says I owe is $38) and tell her that after she gives me 4 months of bills prior to January so I can take a look at elecricity usage and overall cost, then I will pay her the rest (possibly). She gets in a snit and tells me that she feels as if I don’t trust her.

Oh! Oh! I was waiting for her to say that. I was. I lined it up so she would say it, sort of. To that I say: “Well, Roommate, you haven’t given me reason to trust you. You didn’t tell me that you were pregnant when I moved in, and I think that’s extremely deceptive and wrong.” To which she says: “But I don’t care if you’re here!” To which I say: “*I* care that I’m here. I didn’t sign up for this. And now I have to move.” To which she says “Well, just give me enough notice.” Obviously. I’m not a bitch like she is.

And while I was at it, I figure I’d get  the rest of my irks aired. So I tell her, “You know, I’ve been thinking these past couple of days. You mentioned that the movie people made a contribution.” She says “Yeah… so?” So I say, “I paid rent for January and was extremely inconvenienced by their presence.” So she does a half giggle/noise of disbelief and says, “So what, you want something of it? They didn’t give me much. Fine, I’ll give you $20.”

Umm. Something tells me she got more than $40 but I didn’t feel like pressing. I also don’t want the money. Its the principle of it. More deceptiveness.

So I say, “Okay.”

I was so proud of myself for all of this. I didn’t flip out and yell at her, but I did tell her, reasonably, that she was insane. In not so many words. And I did tell her point blank that she was deceptive. That made me happy.

The Guy

So, I met this guy and a lot of what I can tell people is that he’s “nice enough”. Which is true – he is very, very nice. It’s hard to get to know him though, and I find it really frustrating because since he’s not forthcoming, I don’t want to ask questions and seem like I’m prying. So, during the day I decided to tell him that I wasn’t interested. There weren’t any sparks or anything.

But.. he calls me tonight to ask me how my interview went. He had texted me during the day to wish me luck. He asks me what I’m doing this weekend (it’s Monday!) and invites me to Indian food near Curry Row and to the Japanese Buddhist sculpture exhibit. Anyway, I didn’t answer those questions right away because I wasn’t really sure how things were going to go. Instead, I ask him if he’s shy. He says that yes, he’s been accused of that. We talk some more about getting to know each other (and he says, emphatically, that he really likes me and would really like to get to know me more) and it seems that he isn’t forthcoming voluntarily, but perhaps prefers to be asked questions. Also, the topic which we spoke about but that I didn’t want to ask about – it was confirmed that yes he didn’t really want to talk about it yet because it was all being sorted out still. AND, he said that he was several months out of a relationship and said that he was cautious about starting another one and wanted to take time and all. (Look, I’m not trying to rush anything but I *AM* trying to get to know him). So thats all okay fine, you know? Anyway, he indicated that all other topics but the one that was approached before (and I’m not going to go asking about his past relationship) are fair game.

So… since I found myself smiling throughout the entire conversation, I decided that I’d go to the dinner and exhibit with him. Besides, I FINALLY got to know something more about him, not just his life. Yes, there is a difference. I like painting, but that doesn’t tell anyone anything about me.

Five year plan and two year plan

Okay, maybe deciding on my five year plan when I’m very tired and a little drunk (seems to be happening a lot these days huh. I’m usually not so much of a drinker though. I only had one drink, too).

So. I accomplished the most important parts of my one year plan for 2007, something that I am extremely proud of because  I honestly thought I was just making all of these goals that wouldn’t be accomplished. The most important ones were being happy with how I look and being happy with myself as a person. These are major achievements in my life. For the first time, well ever, the thought came into my head, entirely unbidden, “I am happy with myself”. To get to that point is really something. I guess I’ve accepted the faults that I have that are just going to, well, be.

Anyway, seeing as I unexpectedly accomplished my 2007 year plan, it’s time to make a new one.

One Year
-Get something that pays at least 47k/year.
-New apartment with no roommates and no creepy crawlies. I don’t have creepy crawlies now, but I don’t want them in my new apartment.

Two Year
-Figure out whether I am happy in my new job. Do I want to be a paralegal for the rest of my life?
-If not, what do I want to do? What are my options?
-Figure out how much money I will have to make in order to retire comfortably. This means figuring out inflation, and how much money I’ll need to regularly make and put into a 401k or profit sharing account.
-Be able to assert myself to everyone. While I’ve mastered this with acquaintances and strangers, I’ve yet to be able to do this consistently and tactfully with people I care about.

Five Year
-Start saving for a down payment on some sort of living space, whether it’s a condo or house or something.  I think the best way to do this would be either put away money into bonds or into a CD ladder.
-Buy some Berkshire Hathaway stock when it’s cheap (HA!)
-Earn at the very least 60k/year.
-If I decide to stay a paralegal, take and pass the exam for certified legal assistant.

Well, that’s all I can think of for now. Of course, my year plans will be revised as life changes. But, this is what looks good for now.

Another Fish Post (Not about Fishypoo though)

Yes, I know you are getting tired about hearing about my newfound love of fish. However, Chiquita Banana’s suggestion of buying a shark next has me thinking. I’d really like a stingray – there’s this kind that as little flower spots on it, its so cute – but just think. A shark.

Well, unfortunately sharks arent the cheapest of animals. Check it out: A shark for over $2000.

http://bluezooaquatics.com/productList_new.asp?cid=36&did=1&filter=

I think if I were to get a shark I’d get the Wobbygong Shark. Just for the name. I could call it Wobbygong. See? No need to get creative with names when it already has a creative name.

So the other day I went to New World Aquarium. I went there to get some medicine for Fishypoo (I’d heard that the people there actually know about fish) and because I’d read that they have a crazy selection of fishies. The selection was mind-blowing. They had these huge huge huge fish. They had one that was blue and had spirals on it.

Anyway. I’m thinking about growing seamonkeys to feed to Fishypoo. Except the pictues of the seamonkeys I’ve seen creep me out. They look like silverfish. Yurgh.

What’s for free on Craigslist?

So here I am, a bit brainzappy and twitchy. I took a 3 hour nap which didn’t improve matters much, but at least I have my lamictal so I’m on the road to nontwitchiness.

Anyway after doing my standard job hunt, Idecided to look at the stuff which people have put up for free on craigslist.

I can’t make this stuff up:

Chia cat. Yes, someone is giving away their chia cat (apparently they’re even including the seeds!). Who the wants a chia cat!?

A free personal massage. I don’t want to know why it’s not just a free massage and what makes it personal..

Dirt. Yes, someone is giving away dirt. I guess I can understand this, if you live in an apartment you don’t really have access to your own dirt. Still, the concept of free dirt just seems wrong. Shouldn’t dirt be free? Why is it sold in the first place?

A 14-foot trampoline with safety netting. Now, this would have come in handy about 10 years ago. I remember my darling sister was obsessed with having a trampoline at a certain point in time. They do sound like fun.. but why now? why not 10 years ago when I could have used it?

Used exterior bricks.

Two pianos…

Now, let me just put this in. It has been raining really hard. And people have been tossing out their furniture onto the curb. In the rain. And they expect people to come get it?

I hate Medco.

So. This year I changed my insurance from BCBS to Oxford. BCBS used PrimeMail as their mail away pharmacy. I loved PrimeMail. I would get automated voicemails from them. They would tell me when my request for meds was received, when it was filled, when it was shipped, and when I needed to get refills (yes, all in separate phone calls). They were fast, too.

Medco..

I hate Medco. With a passion. Two weeks ago I sent away some scripts to be filled.

They:
-Take 1 week to fill the scripts
-Send it to the wrong address
-Decided to overnight the package to me – requiring a signature – at home

Needless to say, I was at work on Friday and so I obviously couldn’t get the package. Anyway on THursday I call Devinsky’s office and ask for a week of Lamictal (something I’m screwed without, and had been doing without for about 4-5 days) to be called into the pharmacy.

I go to the pharmacy and the pharmacist (I love that guy. Hes really nice) says that he didn’t fill it because it wouldn’t go through on my insurance and 14 tabs were like $150 or something ridiculous. It wouldn’t go through on my insurance because Medco had already filled the large order, and so Oxford thinks that I have medicine. Fuckers. So he tells me (as if I don’t know what to do, bah, but whatever he’s awesome) that I need to call the insurance co to get it overridden. Problem is by this point in time on Thurs I am so exhausted it’s not funny and ready to cry and just not feeling the strength to deal with customer service. Anyway.

So I call Medco today, because I had the sneaking suspicion that they would be absolute idiots and send the package requiring a signature (of course, my suspicion was right). Anyway Medco claims that if I buy medicine at retail price for the time when I am waiting for my meds they will refund the cost.  It shouldn’t be necessary.I hsould have had this stuff to begin with.

Fishypoo, my love

So I left work on Friday with the concern that Fishypoo may be ill.

He developed a small triangular spot on his side which consists of three scales. These scales are lighter than the rest his body.

Anyway, here’s a picture of Fishypoo

So, my computer is breathing her last breaths. That’s okay, I’ll build a new one!

I’m building a computer!

Now, this is extremely exciting for me, not JUST because of the fact it will (hopefully) be cheaper than buying one pre-made…. but because of how I can cool the processor.

Get this. I can get a cooling system (look at your computer. It has a fan) in the form of a fish tank. The tank will draw the heat, creating hot water, thus creating a tropical fish tank environment.

See the fish tank!

http://www.overclockers.com/tips948/

Yep.

So, are we supposed to jump, or what? Contemplations on death and dying.

Before I start writing and someone asks where I have pulled these thoughts out of, I will preface this post with an explanation of what I was thinking before I started thinking about this.

I was walking down 6th Avenue, near the infamously unstable Bank of America building, which is still under construction. While it’s not as bad as that other building way downtown, pieces of this structure have been known to fall off and hit pedestrians below in the head. This is why you don’t see many people walking through the sheltered sidewalk of the building. It’s Walk If You Want Your Brains Bashed In.

So, here I was thinking about how horrible it would be to die by a cinder block falling from the 70th floor of a building. This made me think about buildings falling apart. Which made me think of the World Trade Center and the “disaster” training that we had at work a few months ago.

The fire safety man said it in such euphamistic terms. “Non-Fire Emergencies”. He couldn’t say “In case a deadly acid has been sprayed on you and the remains of your face are rolling down your head, this is what you should do.”

No, instead these “Non Fire Emergencies” are:
-Nuclear bomb
-Germ warfare

Um, there was something else. It may have been an earthquake or something.

Anyway, the fire safety guy (not the *real* fire safety guy who I daydream about whenever he comes on the PA) pretty much says the same thing for all of these potential disasters. Wait and do what you’re told. Take the stairs.

Which lead me to ponder.. but the people who took the elevators on Sept 11th had a greater chance of living. Why is this motherfucker telling me to take the damn stairs?

In FACT, the elevators are going to be disabled in an emegency.

Which, at this point in time, makes me think: What about handicapped people? How are they supposed to get out?

Well, there’s always jumping. Oh wait, there is NOT always jumping. You’re only allowed to jump if you have an office with a window. Which means you must be a lawyer or a manager. Paralegals and other lowly folks don’t get a window to jump out of.

So.. that means that we would either have to find a window or go down the stairs really quickly.

Now this whole jumping crap makes me wonder. How bad does it have to be to actually jump out of a window which is 25 floors above the ground…? At what point would I decide to think it’s hopeless and try that stunt? What kind of death would i have to be looking at where I would choose death by impact with the ground?

Is falling to your death a short death? A long one? How long does it hurt for? How much does it hurt? What are the chances that I’ll jump and not die and instead be extremely injured, leaving me to be stampeded over by scared people?

My Betta has a Name

Can you guess it? Probably not.

My fish is now called:

FISHYPOO.

Just think. You can say it: FiSSHYpoo. Or, “Fiiiishypoo!” or: “fishyPOO!”

So many ways. It describes him so well.

I’ve decided that I Love Fish. For example, I bought the following for my fishypoo:

Sand (which I have decided that I will not use and instead I’m going to find some gravel),
Water conditioner (This removes chlorine and puts  certain enzymes in the water that make the fishy happy)
Water de-clouder (You put a drop or two in the water and in a few hours, the particles that have made the water cloudy gather into  a lump that you can take out of the tank. Makes for less cleaning).
PLANTS! So, I told you all about Fishypoo needs a place to hide, so I mangled some manila folders for him. I bought some large leafy plants that can serve as a place to hide, and some smaller plants that just look pretty. I really want to get a lily pad.
Bloodworms. Now, they sound nasty, I admit, but.. you know how much dogs like freeze dried liver? This is how much Fishypoo likes his Fishytreats!

So one of the more mildly entertaining things about Fishypoo is that you can see when he’s full. His belly protrudes, and you can see him thinking “Damn, if I wore a belt, I’d be loosening it!”

Well.. I’ve been overfeeding Fishypoo. Its just so much fun. When I gave him the bloodworms this morning (before I realized that yes, I was indeed overfeeding him, and yes, he was eating practically everything I tossed in there) he spat them back out. I don’t think that this was because of taste, although I’ve read that Bettas are very picky eaters. I think he was just full!

So, his belly was protruding this morning (when I fed him) and was still protruding when I left work. Hopefully he’ll have digested his fishypellets by the time I get to work so I can start the whole cycle over again.

Did you know that bettas jump? Out of the water? Really!